Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
