I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Watching her eat just hurts me
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
