Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
