Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
