using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
