Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
