do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
