I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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