I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
