I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
my liver is dry heaving
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
