This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
