is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
