Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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