we're chasing vodka with high fives
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
