I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
