Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
