Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
