he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
