My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
