oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
