Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
the day after is always just damage control
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
