i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
