you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
