He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
