you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
