Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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