Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
