are you still at the devil's house?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
