I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
whose parrot is this?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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