You can't motorboat a personality
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Green mimosas i think yes
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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