WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
