look no pants
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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