I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
