The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
