You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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