Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
