I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
