Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
