happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
