I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
