Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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