youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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