i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
