he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just invented taco cereal.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
