The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
