Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
