We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
