shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
