The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
