its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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