so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
