My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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